Writings From Dr. Sacheen

Poisonous Playmates Series: The Jesters

Poisonous Playmates III: The Jesters

Poisonous Playmates: The Jesters

No one wants to be a party pooper and we all want to be found funny, witty and wise. There is a part of us that loves it when people laugh at our jokes and think we are really fun to hang out with.

It is a thrill to know someone (or be that someone) that everyone has on their short-list for a party. If you are an introvert, this friend, lover, significant other helps make sure that you see and meet people. If you are an extrovert, it is so nice to have someone whose energy matches your own! We love people who laugh at life and take us with them on the journey!

However, there are people for whom being the life of the party is not just a nice title to have but the ultimate goal in life.

Welcome to the court of The Jesters!

The Jesters can seem like the most harmless of the Poisonous Playmates:

They make us laugh.

They are always up for anything (or down for anything).

They never (really) tell us no.

The Jesters want to make sure that the party never stops, the laughs never end, the night never gets old and the day is never wasted. With that kind of energy, how can they be hard on us? The Jesters are so much fun and a lot of work. They need the constant adoration of the crowd and access to the most fun and thrilling things to keep them happy.

Do any of these scenarios ring true?

· Jesters are not down with drama or trauma! Feeling a bit blue or just want a low-key evening? No way! There’s a new club, restaurant, movie, art opening, etc. that we just have to go to. You will get over your issues if we just focus on fun!

· Jesters are not deterred. Running thin on money? Ready to call it a night because you have commitments? No way! We can just use the credit cards. No one wants to go home now. We can’t just leave our friends!

· Jesters are not interested in your 9-5. Those parts of your life that require maintenance are just excuses to not have more fun! Call in sick! Take more vacation time! Tell your clients you will reschedule them! All that matters is that life be continually one sweet party.

The Jesters seem like they mean well. They only want us to not forget to have fun every once in a while and to not let life pass us by. That sounds great, right?

The problem is, with them around, we don’t really have much of a life because it is one continuous party.

What Do They Want?

Being with a Jester is a continual drain on time and resources; usually ours. They are always up for a good time but are not there when we need them nor do they pull their own weight. We expend a lot to keep up with them and they don’t slowdown when we get burned out.

The Jesters are painfully insecure and need someone to keep them afloat.

As long as we fill their (physical, emotional, financial, sexual, etc.) needs and be ready to go at the drop of a hat, they just love us. The minute we balk, they are gone.

This person just needs to be needed and shown adoration. ALL THE TIME.

What Do We Do?

When dealing with The Jesters, our default state is anxiety and exhaustion. We live in a state of worry that we will not be enough to keep their attention; that we will not have enough resources to keep up with them; that we don’t have the stamina to remain interesting to them.

We don’t want to be alone (and lonely) so we endure this relationship in the hopes that we can prove WE are worthy.

It gets exhausting and, eventually, this relationship erodes our sense of self-worth and dignity and The Jesters are not interested in helping us find wholeness.

Now what?

The only way to derail Jesters is to change OUR story about our Self.

Jesters feed on our insecurity that we are not enough. By changing our internal compass and digging out this poisonous belief we can send this particular playmate packing.

Is there a Jester in your life? Do you want to unpack why you let her/him in? A Soul-Path Reading is a great way to dig into the beliefs that are allowing this playmate to poison your life.

We have a right to a whole and happy life. Soul-Path Services can help you get there.

In hope,

Dr. Sacheen

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