Poisonous Playmates: The Thieves
Who doesn’t want to be loved?
We all do. It is indescribable the feeling we have when we are with someone who really gets us. Who seems to just… know.
We will overlook many a shortcoming to be around someone who makes us their world and is determined to see us happy. They enjoy and adore us. It’s almost like they know us better than we know ourselves. This is a beautiful thing and the feelings we have for these people are magical and profound. And when these relationships are good, they make us feel like a better version of our selves.
Of all the Poisonous Playmates, The Thieves are the Queens and Kings. All others play in their Court. The Thieves are master manipulators. They bring us so much love, joy, happiness, passion, etc. by finding out exactly what we need and giving it to us. AND NOT ONE INCH MORE. The Thieves are the running the ultimate confidence game and we are the victims.
Do these scenarios ring true?
· Thieves know what we want before we want it. They seem to have a personal insight into what we need. They anticipate things as though they can read our mind!
· Thieves are perfect mirror images. They seem to reflect back all the really great things we love about ourselves and none of the bad stuff. It’s almost like having another version of our self around!
· Thieves are crazy about us. They want to be where we are. They want to love what we love. They want to eat what we eat. They want to please us and look for every opportunity to do so.
What is wrong with this scenario?
This sounds pretty thrilling and not a terrible relationship to be in until we realize that we are being sucked dry by a vampire.
The reason that Thieves appear to be so perfect, selfless and loving is that they do not feel anything.
These are the kind of people who can engage in a relationship for years without ever really revealing who they are or what they are after. The Thieves play the part of devoted ____________ (fill in the blank) by studying us intensely.
They ask the right questions and are extremely observant of behavior.
They give us only our self and nothing more. They are selfish and confident in their execution and we only, peripherally, realize that we are doing most of the heavy lifting in the relationship. What we see as depth is really a shallow pool of us being reflected back at us.
The Thieves purpose is life. Their own life. And they will do whatever it takes to have the life of their dreams.
They will marry and have a family. Become our best friend. Be our intimate partner. All with the purpose of getting from us what they cannot give themselves (money, sex, a family, stability, position, etc.). When we realize what is happening and want a change (more communication, a better friend, a deeper connection, etc.), Thieves begin to plot their escape.
They can sabotage our entire lives because they know us better than we know ourselves. If we don’t agree to keep engaging in the status quo, Thieves consider it a mandate to burn our, metaphorical, house down and dust the ashes off as they walk away.
This is by far the hardest of the Poisonous Playmate relationships to recover from and some people never do.
What Do We Do?
The main reason we hang on to Thieves for so long is that we don’t want to believe what they are doing. Remember, they make us feel like a million dollars most of the time.
They are master students whose course of study is us and because of this, we feel obligated to remain with someone who is killing our soul while simultaneously giving us what we think we want: love, a sense of belonging, etc.
We find reason after reason why WE are at fault:
I must want to much.
I must be to emotional.
I must be needy.
I must be selfish.
I must be lacking in some way.
Anything to deflect away from what is really happening: the calculated manipulation by another person to drain us of our resources for their own gain.
This really is the hardest relationship for us to get out of or to manage. When the Thieves choose us, they make the most of knowing just what to say and who to be to earn our trust.
When the break comes, it is devastating.
BUT, we have to make the break. And the only way to do that is to determine WHY we make the choice to stay with the Thieves.
By taking a holistic view of our life and relationships, we can determine what we need to change in ourselves to fill whatever whole the Thieves fill.
Only by picking up our pieces can we make peace and show the Thieves the door without sacrificing our life.
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