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Poisonous Playmates Part I: The Crazymakers

Poisonous Playmates: The Crazymakers

Most of us don’t like to admit it but we all have some behavior that can make others a little crazy. We might be the friend who is always late or the one who only wears a certain brand of shoe or will only go to a particular coffee shop.

These idiosyncrasies are a normal and natural part of who we are and make us unique. We embrace a little crazy in the people we know and love and find that quirks keep most relationships interesting.

However, there is a certain type of person that is beyond a little quirky.

The Crazymakers are determined to bring as much drama into our lives as humanly possible. These types thrive on driving the roller coaster of relational drama as high as they can take it and yelling “Wheeee!” all the way back down.

The Crazymakers can take the the ordinary, mundane and practical times in life and turn them into a 3-ring circus with us as the ringmaster!

Do these behaviors sound familiar?

· Crazymakers are notorious for changing plans at the last minute and are shocked (and wounded) when we get upset. They will engage in a vicious game of turning the tables until we believe the drama is our fault. Yes, they may have said this was fine for dinner but how can we be so INSENSITIVE to their dietary needs???

· Crazymakers love to hijack any occasion with an earth-shattering need, nervous breakdown, or emotional trauma requiring everyone (especially us) to stop everything until they are made whole again. They will escalate the drama to Olympic proportions until WE SOLVE THEIR PROBLEM.

· Crazymakers delight in keeping you on an emotional edge with raging tempers, crying fits, cold-shouldering, and hostile interactions designed to make sure we never feel like we have any control in the relationship. These are, sometimes, the people we excuse as “passionate” when, in reality, they are bordering on psychotic.

These are just a few examples of the circus that Crazymakers create for us.

What Do They Want?

The Crazymakers crave power within relationships and attention is the currency they use to get it.

The ability to manipulate us into submission through the above behaviors is intoxicating and validates the use of any tactic. By withholding their attention and affection, Crazymakers seek to keep us in a submissive position.

Why?

Because the power that comes from knowing that someone else is a hostage to their emotional needs is heady and intoxicating and stems from a warped belief that relationships are not real unless they are full of drama and trauma.

There is no sane way to deal with this much drama in our lives so we try to isolate this person from our “normal” lives in the hopes of keeping the relationship and keeping our sanity. It rarely works. We often wonder why we stay in the relationship and how we can make them happy. It’s a see-saw ride with a terrible ending.

Over the course of time, Crazymakers exact a demanding price: our self-esteem and self-confidence.

What Do We Do?

When dealing with Crazymakers, our default state is insecurity. We may believe that we are not entitled to nor should we demand a better relationship. This is especially difficult when the Crazymaker is our intimate other but is still hard when they are a friend or family member.

So, we make excuses for their behavior (and for our acceptance of the behavior).

We remake our lives to accommodate their drama.

We fold in on ourselves rather than face what is happening.

Ultimately, we decide that this reality is okay because we internalize the mantra of the Crazymaker: It’s not me, it’s you.

Only, it is both.

There are many reason we deal with Crazymakers but the most salient seems to be that, for some of us, the need to be needed is more important than the need to be happy. This is a theme that resonates throughout all of the Poisonous Playmate behaviors.

Whether through our family, peers or others, we have internalized the idea that love is supposed to be crazy and that the people who REALLY care for us will make life crazy to prove it.

Now what?

The only way to turn off Crazymakers is to change OUR story about love.

Ask yourself

  • When I need love, do I need the most over-the-top expression of it for it to feel real?
  • When I give love, do I need a certain kind of emotional reaction to feel validated (the more dramatic the better)?

If the answer is yes, crazymaking is going on. 

By re-examining why we are attracted (and attracting) crazy behavior, we can dismantle the old story about love. We can remove the need for crazy love and define a new reality for our self and our relationships.

If you would like to know how to pinpoint whether Crazymakers are making your life miserable, a Soul-Path reading is right for you.

Leave a comment, question or message if something here resonates with you and thank you for reading!

In hope,

Dr. Sacheen