Intimacy and Happiness

It is that time of year: everything is bathed in reds and pinks and everywhere we turn there are flowers being delivered, cards being opened and chocolates being consumed.

Happiness abounds and love is in the air! (It’s Valentine’s Day)

But, for many people, this day is more about the flashiness of love and not about the real substance of love: the intimate connection that comes from knowing our self and from having that self be known by another on a deep level.


This day can be a chance to go deeper and feel so much more than a Hallmark card, stuffed bear or bottle of champagne can ever illicit. This day can allow us to dance with ourselves and make sure that the love that we are receiving is the love we want to have.

But, sometimesĀ a day like today brings a dance with:




Partners that are easy to ignore most of the time until a day dedicated to intimacy and happiness pops up.

When The Dance Feels Off

If you are in a loving and happy relationship, times when things are off-kilter are normal and a part of the growth of intimacy. They are also rare as we learn how to coordinate our wants and needs with another person and, hopefully, in time we dance to the same rhythm.

Many times this is not what is happening.

Many times, we are in a relationship where that off-kilter feeling or those out-of-sync steps are the norm and not the exception. When the beat is not only out of rhythm but may not even be the same song. In those relationships, we spend a lot of time in a state of anxiety or anxiousness always wondering what’s wrong or a state of ambivalence where we are just resigned to being unhappy.

How did we get here?

When we don’t know the steps to our own love dance, we allow someone else to choreograph our love life. (Tweet this)

We are taught how to love and many times we are not taught well. We believe that we can only love the way we saw others love or the ways others loved us.We embrace a dance out-of-sync because we don’t know there is another way.

Dancing With Our Self

We don’t realize that we are our first love and how we treat ourselves will determine how everyone else treats us.

What makes our heart sing?

What brings us joy?

What makes us want to love another person?

How we answer those questions determines what type of Valentine’s Day (and life) we may be having.

Here is what I believe,

Those who love their self will insist on being treated kindly and honestly. Because they are sure of their worth, they’ll look for worth and value in others. They dance the sacred dances and fight the essential battles to not only protect but nurture things that are dear to them. (Jesse Wolf Hardin)

Nothing can be more dear to you than you.

I can help you:

Find your song.

Know your dance.

Embrace your Self.

Soul-Path Services

In hope and happiness,

Dr. Sacheen