Are you aligning your life consciously or unconsciously?

We like to believe that we move through life fully attuned to our own wants and needs and make conscious decisions about who and what we let into our life.

We like to believe we are the master and commander of our relational house. That decisions we make are exactly the ones we intend to make.

But…

What if this is not true? What if we make many of our most important life decisions more unconsciously than consciously? What if we give our power away by not knowing the difference?

 

The Roots of The Problem

The reality of everyday life is we make 10,000 inconsequential decisions without giving them a second thought. And this is how it should be. Life sends a lot of stimulus towards us and we don’t really need to make sense of it, we just need to react (red light STOP, green light GO).

But what about more important decisions? Ones involving who to trust, who to love, who to marry and who to run away from? Do we stop and assess those decisions or do we default to auto-pilot? Well, research indicates we are creatures of habit and we use auto-pilot to make a lot of decisions for us.

Where does auto-pilot come from? Here’s the root: we are taught through socialization from family, friends and society to want and desire certain things. We are also taught to ignore any dissenting opinion about those wants and desires. So, we end up making important decisions about our lives based on the wants and desires of other people.

This can lead to relationships we don’t want. Careers we don’t want. Lives we don’t want. And many days and nights spent in quiet desperation living with the knowledge that we may not be as happy as are supposed to be.

The problem: we don’t know what we want so we don’t have the power to change our lives.

The solution: finding our power and, in turn, changing our lives.

We’ve got to learn to stop living for other people because we cannot be whole in our own power until we stop trying to be what we are not.

(Un) Conscious Lives

By making decisions on auto-pilot, we end up living unconscious lives. We go along merrily, getting into relationships, taking jobs, making major life decisions and getting steadily unhappier.

The unhappiness is the only clue that something is wrong and it is a clue that can be ignored for years and years unless we decide to wake-up.

But, what does waking up mean? Should we decide to wake-up, the results can be scary, life-altering and down-right earth shattering so many of us choose to stay unhappy. It is not an easy decision but it is one that, despite the scariness, can lead to lives of richness and joy.

Choosing to engage in a conscious life starts with looking inside and sorting out what we see:

Are the dreams I have for my life reflected around me?

Are the decisions I am making for my benefit or someone else’s?

Am I where I want to be or where I believe I am supposed to be?

These are just some of the questions we begin to ask when we want to hear our own voice; when we want to lift the veil of unconsciousness.

The first step is always the hardest but, in the end, aligning our life with our conscious wants and desires is the only way to be healthy, happy and whole.

With hope,

Dr. Sacheen